1
00:00:01,084 --> 00:00:03,879
Delivery.
Oh, it's the computers
the golf course...
2
00:00:03,879 --> 00:00:05,631
...bribed us with.
Finally.
3
00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:07,341
You're not gonna bring 'em
inside?
4
00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:08,634
Zero stars.
5
00:00:08,634 --> 00:00:10,052
Did he just leave
everything
6
00:00:10,052 --> 00:00:11,637
on the sidewalk
like this?
7
00:00:11,637 --> 00:00:13,180
Okay, good.
You guys are here.
8
00:00:13,180 --> 00:00:14,890
We don't have insurance,
so lift with your legs,
9
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:16,975
brace your back.
Ava, my back
does not brace.
10
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,186
Call that
young man back.
11
00:00:19,186 --> 00:00:20,270
You got his phone number,
Barb?
12
00:00:20,270 --> 00:00:22,356
I will dial 411
before I pick up--
13
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:23,357
Jesus would help.
14
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:26,235
Jesus was lean, 33,
with muscles.
15
00:00:26,235 --> 00:00:27,903
Mmm. Hot.
16
00:00:27,903 --> 00:00:29,738
Weren't there, like,
four more of these?
17
00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:32,699
Ah!
We were robbed.
18
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:34,701
Well, at least this time,
I wasn't slapped.
19
00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:36,286
Probably already selling 'em
on Broad Street by now.
20
00:00:36,286 --> 00:00:39,081
You know what,
maybe they needed 'em.
21
00:00:39,081 --> 00:00:41,291
Hey. I got computers
for the low-low.
22
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:43,710
Buy three, get one free.
Talk money to me.
23
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,088
How much,
brother?
No.
No.
24
00:00:46,088 --> 00:00:48,674
Jaquon! I will
call your mother.
25
00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:50,008
Put those
things back!
26
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:51,093
Don't-- Don't
do that.
27
00:00:51,093 --> 00:00:52,302
Mm-hmm.
28
00:01:04,856 --> 00:01:06,858
And that turtle is for you.
29
00:01:06,858 --> 00:01:08,777
Enjoy your new friend.
30
00:01:08,777 --> 00:01:11,071
Uh, uh, Janine?
Yeah.
31
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:13,448
Why are there
loose animals in the library?
32
00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,409
They're gonna put the funk
in Funk and Wagnalls.
33
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,035
Yeah, no, I know,
but they're caged,
34
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,704
and I will clean up.
I promise.
35
00:01:20,330 --> 00:01:22,165
Uh, Ms. Washington,
a goldfish for you.
36
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,584
I have a really big win
to share.
37
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,669
We asked the district
for funding
38
00:01:25,669 --> 00:01:27,462
for more afterschool programs,
39
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:32,134
so they gave us $50
for class pets instead.
40
00:01:32,134 --> 00:01:33,677
Sometimes you gotta
shoot for the moon,
41
00:01:33,677 --> 00:01:38,849
and if you miss, you land on
a star... fish. Starfish.
42
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:41,768
And, Mrs. Howard, I got you
the fish you asked for.
43
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:44,104
Ohh!
44
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:48,066
I have a flowy gown
in this very shade of magenta.
45
00:01:49,693 --> 00:01:52,362
And, Gregory,
your pet rock.
46
00:01:52,362 --> 00:01:54,448
Thank you so much
for being budget conscious.
47
00:01:54,448 --> 00:01:56,074
Oh, it wasn't because of that.
I had one of these growing up.
48
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:58,952
Alrighty.
49
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:02,122
Okay, guinea pig for me
and a guinea pig for--
50
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,707
Melissa!
51
00:02:03,707 --> 00:02:05,042
Guinea pig.
What?
52
00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,668
You forgot to
fill out the form,
53
00:02:06,668 --> 00:02:08,086
and the pet store
was having a BOGO sale, so...
54
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,379
Yeah, I didn't forget
to fill it out.
55
00:02:09,379 --> 00:02:12,466
I didn't want one.
I don't like pets.
56
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,967
Melissa.
57
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:15,802
Hey, what do you mean,
you don't like pets?
58
00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,346
I don't like 'em.
I never had 'em growing up
59
00:02:17,346 --> 00:02:18,764
'cause they're
just too much work.
60
00:02:18,764 --> 00:02:20,182
They smell, then they die,
61
00:02:20,182 --> 00:02:21,975
and you gotta explain that
to the kids.
62
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:23,602
It's too much.
I don't want it.
63
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:24,728
Well, look, look,
what if I-I help you out?
64
00:02:24,728 --> 00:02:26,730
You know, I will clean its cage,
I'll feed it.
65
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,482
You won't have to
lift a finger.
66
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:30,275
Come on, Mellie Mel,
your kids will love it.
67
00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,402
Besides, the kids are
gonna be really upset
68
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:34,529
if they're the only ones
without a class pet.
69
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:35,781
Don't want that,
now, do ya?
70
00:02:39,451 --> 00:02:41,745
You're right in a way
that really pisses me off, kid.
71
00:02:41,745 --> 00:02:42,788
Aww, thank you.
72
00:02:42,788 --> 00:02:44,331
Okay.
73
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:45,791
And, Mr. Johnson,
you requested a bear.
74
00:02:45,791 --> 00:02:47,834
I sure did.
Okay.
75
00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:49,711
Would you settle
for a bear hug?
76
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,715
D'aww.
Okay.
77
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:56,259
Aww. It smells like ass
in here.
78
00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:58,303
Yeah, it really does.
I'm so sorry.
79
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,264
Hey, Ava.
80
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,682
I've set up my computer,
but I don't have
81
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,309
any of
the district software,
82
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:06,269
so I'm putting in a ticket
at the old district.
83
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:09,606
No, you are not. They don't
even know we took these
computers as bribes.
84
00:03:09,606 --> 00:03:12,317
We're not even allowed
to accept donated computers.
85
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:13,360
I got a plan.
86
00:03:14,236 --> 00:03:15,153
The district won't
service any computers
87
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:16,238
that don't belong to them,
88
00:03:16,238 --> 00:03:18,698
but they drop the ball
all the time,
89
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,534
so I'll just tell them
that I submitted a ticket
90
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:22,786
a long time ago for these
computers that they gave us,
91
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:25,038
that they didn't keep track of.
92
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:26,456
I like to cause doubt
and confusion
93
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:28,959
by creating a memory
that doesn't exist.
94
00:03:28,959 --> 00:03:30,669
Some call it gaslighting.
95
00:03:30,669 --> 00:03:33,380
I call it kids have computers
in their classrooms.
96
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,924
Okay.
97
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:40,637
You just gotta watch out for
this one 'cause he's a biter.
98
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:41,680
So--
Yeah,
I'll tell you what.
99
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:42,931
If that thing bites me,
100
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:44,349
I'm fastballing it
into the wall.
101
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,268
Okay, but biting
is a sign of...
102
00:03:46,268 --> 00:03:47,060
...affection.
103
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,937
I-- I...
104
00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:50,313
Watch out.
105
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,692
He didn't bite me.
106
00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,318
He's warming up--
God!
107
00:03:55,318 --> 00:03:57,737
Ooh!
108
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:00,574
Bared his teeth at me.
What a smile.
109
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,410
He likes your sweater.
Oh?
110
00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:05,996
Odd way of showing it.
111
00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:07,831
The real
question is...
Mm-hmm.
112
00:04:07,831 --> 00:04:09,249
We just hanging out?
113
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,460
Look, some IT wonk
is coming by today
114
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:12,419
to get the computers 'putin.
115
00:04:12,419 --> 00:04:14,254
He cannot know
they're donated,
116
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,423
so if you love new computers,
lie like an old carpet.
117
00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,009
I cannot, I do not,
I will not lie.
118
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:19,843
I heard you tell Janine
she looked cool
119
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,553
in that
goofy sweater.
120
00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,388
Okay, you caught me.
All you have to do
is play dumb.
121
00:04:23,388 --> 00:04:25,932
Jacob, that face you're making
right now is perfect.
122
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,059
Dumb as hell.
What?
This is my normal face.
123
00:04:28,059 --> 00:04:30,270
Besides,
I-I can't play dumb.
124
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,855
Hi, I'm O'Shon.
125
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:36,526
Oh.
Top o'
the morning to you, O'Shon.
126
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:38,320
I'm O'Jacob.
No, I'm just joking.
127
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,197
It's just Jacob.
Just--
128
00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:42,699
Just a little Irish humor
for you, bloke.
129
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:44,534
Sorry, I'm dumb.
Wow. I can do it.
130
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:45,827
O'Shon: I guess,
uh, we lost
131
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:47,537
the ticket to provide
tech support.
132
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:49,748
Uh, we get backlogged
sometimes, but no excuses.
133
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:52,959
I'm here now.
Yeah, you really screwed
the pooch on that one,
134
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:56,296
so if you could just install
the software and be on your way.
135
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:57,798
It'll take a few days
to get everything set up,
136
00:04:57,798 --> 00:04:58,715
but I'll
get on it now.
137
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,012
O'Shon?
Crikey.
138
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:05,680
That man is
handsome.
139
00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,766
First of all,
he wears glasses.
140
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,059
Second of all,
you two need a pair
141
00:05:09,059 --> 00:05:11,394
if you think
he's attractive.
142
00:05:11,394 --> 00:05:12,187
Please.
143
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:15,190
I'm just saying,
of the three rock types,
144
00:05:15,190 --> 00:05:16,149
I think
it's really cool that
145
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,151
my kids got
a metamorphic rock.
146
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,361
Imagine me stuck with
some kind of
147
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,154
sorry
sedimentary rock.
148
00:05:21,154 --> 00:05:23,657
Totally. No. So very,
very cool.
149
00:05:23,657 --> 00:05:26,701
Alright. Well,
you know who doesn't bite?
Who?
150
00:05:26,701 --> 00:05:27,828
Dwayne "The Pet" Rockson.
151
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,037
Okay. Gregory,
152
00:05:29,037 --> 00:05:30,872
it is their
love language.
153
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:34,000
Guinea pigs cannot lick
like cats and dogs can, so...
154
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,253
Don't let that guinea pig loose
in your classroom.
155
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,588
You know they grow to the size
of their environment, right?
156
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:40,090
I think you're thinking
of goldfish.
Yeah.
157
00:05:40,090 --> 00:05:41,758
Explain grizzlies, then, dumbass.
158
00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,930
What do you
got there?
Oh, I'll tell you
what I got here.
159
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:50,016
Why even ask?
My entire afternoon is
what I've got here.
160
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,102
First, the kids said
the guinea pig was bored,
161
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,688
so I had to get him this little
straw mat for it to gnaw on.
162
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,815
Then, Sweet Cheeks
didn't like that cheap feed,
163
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:59,192
so I gotta meal prep
this hay.
164
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:01,486
Then, that stupid straw mattress
wasn't comfy enough,
165
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:04,489
so I had to build
this tiny house stick by stick.
166
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,992
Thanks a lot, Teagues.
167
00:06:06,992 --> 00:06:10,161
I knew it, this was
a bad idea from the jump.
168
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,455
This is exactly
why people shouldn't have pets.
169
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,292
I don't have time to do my job
and take care of some rat.
170
00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:17,961
What do I look like,
April O'Neil?
171
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,504
Guinea pig's not even
that cute.
172
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,631
I hate that freaking
guinea pig.
173
00:06:23,341 --> 00:06:24,467
What?
174
00:06:26,928 --> 00:06:29,431
Melissa, I'm sorry
this guinea pig is
making your life harder.
175
00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,057
Look, I'm gonna take it
back to the store.
176
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:33,560
Maybe we can use that $4.77
on something else.
177
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,312
No way.
My kids would lose it.
178
00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:37,314
Sweet Cheeks and I
are stuck with each other
179
00:06:37,314 --> 00:06:39,733
'til one of us dies,
and it ain't gonna be me.
180
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:43,695
Alright, well, at least you
don't have to worry about him
over the weekend, so...
181
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:44,779
What does that mean?
182
00:06:44,779 --> 00:06:46,239
You know, the students,
they take turns
183
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:47,490
hosting the pets
over the weekends.
184
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:49,367
The kids get to learn
responsibility,
185
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:50,910
and the guinea pigs
get to see what a big,
186
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,787
beautiful world it is
out there.
187
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:54,998
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Well, good.
Yeah.
188
00:06:54,998 --> 00:06:58,126
As long as it's out
of my gorgeous hair.
189
00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:01,838
These computers are pretty new
for a three-year-old ticket.
190
00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:03,632
Oh, I wouldn't know.
191
00:07:03,632 --> 00:07:06,760
These contraptions all
seem the same to me.
192
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,470
Okay.
193
00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,597
It's just that,
these computers,
194
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:13,099
they have features
I usually only see--
195
00:07:13,099 --> 00:07:18,730
But, you know, how would one
turn on a machine such as this?
196
00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:20,774
I know how to start
these computers.
197
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:23,860
I just have to throw this
handsome young man off the scent
198
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,070
for the greater good.
199
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:27,405
Forgive me, Lord.
200
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:30,617
Ma'am, uh, please don't
take this the wrong way...
Mm-hmm.
201
00:07:30,617 --> 00:07:32,744
...but are you familiar
with this thing?
202
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,705
Like updating it, opening your
browser, checking your e-mail?
203
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:39,334
That's-- That's all good?
Oh, I can check an e-mail.
204
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,002
My real question is,
205
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:44,923
what is an e-mail?
206
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:49,928
This shouldn't
take too long.
207
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:51,471
You've got everything
pretty set up.
208
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,556
You just need
the permissions and licenses.
209
00:07:53,556 --> 00:07:55,308
Yeah.
210
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,268
They call me Jacob Jobs
around these parts
211
00:07:57,268 --> 00:07:58,728
'cause I'm always...
212
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:00,355
...click-clacking.
213
00:08:00,355 --> 00:08:03,858
Cool.
O'Shon, is it?
214
00:08:03,858 --> 00:08:07,028
What if you tell me
everything you know
about computers?
215
00:08:09,614 --> 00:08:12,742
Finally, rule number 11--
Designated guinea pig food
216
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:16,079
and filtered water only.
217
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,289
Okay? Nothing else.
You got it, guys?
218
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,750
That star next to the rule
means it's extra important.
219
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:22,043
They all have stars.
220
00:08:22,043 --> 00:08:23,169
That's 'cause they're all
important.
221
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,255
No, honey. Come on.
No tapping.
222
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,340
It stresses
Sweet Cheeks out.
223
00:08:27,340 --> 00:08:29,926
Alright, let's see.
Who's going to take him first?
224
00:08:29,926 --> 00:08:30,719
Aaron.
225
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,557
You gotta stop that, kid.
Come on.
226
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,808
You could hurt yourself.
227
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,144
No, I can't.
I don't feel pain.
228
00:08:39,811 --> 00:08:42,439
Do guinea pigs?
229
00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:47,944
No more pencils for Aaron.
230
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:51,698
After this, I'll hit
the library, and then I'm done.
231
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,867
They're not the most tech savvy,
but you got a really nice staff.
232
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:56,911
Yeah, we're just one big family
here.
233
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,956
Oh, you already got
a few programs on here.
234
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:02,584
Wow. This is some
extremely high-powered editing
235
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,294
and special effects
software.
236
00:09:04,294 --> 00:09:06,671
Are you making a big-budget
movie?
237
00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:08,548
Well, I'm not gonna let
a souped-up graphics card
238
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:11,050
and a 14th-generation processor
go to waste.
239
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,886
I'm editing a series
of deepfakes of Janine.
240
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,971
She has no idea what's
coming.
241
00:09:14,971 --> 00:09:16,765
Alright,
I'm gonna grab a coffee.
242
00:09:16,765 --> 00:09:18,767
Incognito Mode doesn't leave
a history, right?
243
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:21,186
Auf Wiedersehen.
244
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:27,025
The district doesn't have
a 14th generation of anything.
245
00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:32,655
So, still going to
the batting cages this weekend?
246
00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,157
Absolutely.
247
00:09:34,157 --> 00:09:36,326
I still have a few holes
in my swing.
Mm-hmm.
248
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:38,203
You wanna come
take some hacks with me?
249
00:09:38,203 --> 00:09:40,789
I don't know what that means,
but, yeah, I do.
250
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,123
It's okay.
I'll teach you.
251
00:09:42,123 --> 00:09:44,918
Okay. I can't
wait to learn.
Yuck!
252
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,628
Somebody please give me
a lobotomy.
253
00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:51,174
Well,
guess who's got two thumbs
254
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,967
and a guinea pig
to dispose of?
255
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,719
What?
Yep.
256
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:57,972
Came in this morning,
and Sweet Cheeks was belly up.
257
00:09:57,972 --> 00:09:59,974
See, this is exactly why
you should've got a pet rock.
258
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,143
My students are developing
a bond that will
last for eternity.
259
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:03,853
Melissa,
are you sure it's dead?
260
00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:06,147
Just the other day,
I thought my fish was dead.
261
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,817
She was just
taking her beauty sleep.
262
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:11,820
Maybe I ought to add
a tiny vanity to her aquarium.
263
00:10:11,820 --> 00:10:13,154
Yes.
264
00:10:13,154 --> 00:10:15,114
Hey, Shirley,
order me a little
265
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:17,617
fish mirror
for Queen LaSeafah.
266
00:10:18,660 --> 00:10:20,870
Mmm.
Yeah.
267
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,997
See, I told you
this was gonna happen.
268
00:10:22,997 --> 00:10:24,707
No, they told me
at the store
269
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:26,960
that the guinea pig would live
for at least the school year.
270
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,587
Well, guess what? They're not
guinea pig doctors, are they?
271
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:32,257
It's gone. So now I gotta give
my kids the death talk.
272
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,384
Oh, my God,
Melissa, I am--
273
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,427
I'm so sorry.
This is a disaster.
Oh.
274
00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:38,346
Um, can I get you anything?
275
00:10:38,346 --> 00:10:40,306
Grief counseling,
a hug, or...
No!
276
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:41,349
...I can take you out
for a drink?
277
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:42,559
Janine,
I don't need a beer
278
00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,102
for a dead guinea pig, okay?
279
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,979
I'm gonna do what I always do.
I'mma go home,
280
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,189
throw some baby backs
in the slow cooker,
and watch "Housewives."
281
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,108
Okay, well,
maybe I can come over.
282
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,484
That's really
not necessary.
283
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:54,487
Also, I'm getting
my carpets cleaned tonight.
284
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:58,616
Oh, but-- while you cook ribs?
And also at night?
285
00:10:58,616 --> 00:11:00,493
Yeah, I got a discount.
286
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,580
What, you want me
to eat ribs on a dirty floor?
287
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:06,166
Also, what is with
all the questions, huh?
Whoa.
288
00:11:06,166 --> 00:11:07,792
I mean, are we good?
We're good.
289
00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:08,710
Are you good?
290
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:10,295
Ugh. My God.
291
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:11,880
Janine, don't get hurt.
What?
292
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,841
I feel awful. I mean, I pushed
Melissa to do something
293
00:11:14,841 --> 00:11:17,385
she didn't want,
and it didn't work out.
294
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,595
Should not have tried
to assert
295
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:19,721
my guinea pig agenda.
296
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:25,935
I might be grown, but I can
still make rookie mistakes.
297
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,188
I'm so sorry,
but that's just,
298
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:30,523
you know, the circle of life.
Right, kids?
299
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,442
Life is just like that.
300
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,612
To quote Frank Sinatra's
"That's Life,"
301
00:11:35,612 --> 00:11:37,280
"That's life."
302
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,657
So, if you want, just come to me
with any questions
303
00:11:39,657 --> 00:11:41,701
you might have,
and rest assured that
304
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,953
Sweet Cheeks is in
a better place.
305
00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,750
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
306
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:52,378
That man put the "form"
in information technology.
307
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,631
Yeah. He's a real
Firefox.
308
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:56,257
Get your ass on Chrome.
309
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,927
Anyway, he looks just like me
five years ago,
310
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:00,178
but with more hair.
311
00:12:01,846 --> 00:12:03,640
This man is a weenie.
312
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:04,849
Excuse me,
Principal Coleman,
313
00:12:04,849 --> 00:12:07,101
can I talk to you for a second
about the computers?
314
00:12:07,101 --> 00:12:09,938
Sure.
Grand rising, brother.
315
00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:11,564
Good afternoon.
Are you the man
316
00:12:11,564 --> 00:12:13,024
that we have to thank
for being able to use
317
00:12:13,024 --> 00:12:14,651
these wonderful computers?
318
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,694
I just installed
some new programs, is all.
319
00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,696
Well, it is just a blessing
to be able to work
320
00:12:18,696 --> 00:12:20,448
on brand-new computers.
321
00:12:20,448 --> 00:12:22,325
The kids are, uh--
the kids are loving it.
322
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,744
Instead of "Oregon Trail,"
they now have Roblox,
323
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:26,955
which they shouldn't be
playing at school,
324
00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:28,456
but, uh, still.
325
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:30,083
It's going to be
a real difference maker.
326
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:34,045
Mm-hmm. These new computers are
going to put my students ahead
327
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:37,757
of the curve that so often wants
to leave them behind.
328
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,008
Mm.
329
00:12:39,008 --> 00:12:41,302
So, I don't have all day.
330
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,929
Oh, my God.
331
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,264
The computers
have Khan Academy.
332
00:12:45,390 --> 00:12:46,641
What did you
want to tell me?
333
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:49,811
Yeah, uh, you know what?
It can wait.
334
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,734
Hey.
Oh! Bye, Melissa.
335
00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,071
Hey, would you mind
giving me a ride to my place?
336
00:13:00,071 --> 00:13:01,614
Uh, yeah, sure.
337
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:03,074
But didn't your ride
just walk out?
338
00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:05,576
You didn't come in
with Melissa?
She's, uh, going out.
339
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:08,037
Really?
Going out?
340
00:13:08,037 --> 00:13:09,580
She told me she had ribs
in the slow cooker
341
00:13:09,580 --> 00:13:11,207
and that she was getting
her carpets cleaned, so...
342
00:13:11,207 --> 00:13:12,542
Oh, is that what
she's calling it now?
343
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:14,377
TMI.
344
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,212
What are you
talking about?
345
00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:18,339
She told me
she's got a date.
346
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,133
Really?
347
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,968
Now, why would she lie
about that?
348
00:13:21,968 --> 00:13:24,053
I think she's keeping it
super secret because she's,
349
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:25,930
like, really into him.
Huh.
350
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,181
She already has a nickname
for him.
351
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:28,349
Oh, yeah?
She calls him "Sweet Cheeks."
352
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,105
"Sweet Cheeks"?
Mm-hmm.
353
00:13:34,105 --> 00:13:36,024
I almost miss
when I knew less about her.
354
00:13:36,024 --> 00:13:38,109
Excuse me. Sorry. Um...
Matter of fact, can we
just go get a... drink?
355
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:43,531
♪ But guinea pigs
just wanna have fu-un ♪
356
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:46,617
♪ Oh, and Sweet Cheeks
just wanna have ♪
357
00:13:46,617 --> 00:13:47,285
♪ You just wanna ♪
358
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:52,832
Oh, holy...
359
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,125
I got a question for you,
Melissa.
360
00:13:54,125 --> 00:13:55,501
I didn't even
see you come in.
361
00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:59,005
Oh, Melissa,
Melissa, Melissa.
362
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:05,636
So, how was
your carpet cleaner?
363
00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:08,765
Yeah, fine.
Yeah?
Carpets all clean?
364
00:14:08,765 --> 00:14:11,100
Very.
Mm-hmm? All polished up?
365
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,769
Okay, shampooed,
but yeah.
366
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,520
Interesting. Oh.
367
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,897
You're asking
the wrong questions.
Okay.
368
00:14:16,939 --> 00:14:20,610
So, Melissa, where'd you put
Sweet Cheeks' body?
369
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:21,402
Trashed it.
370
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:23,196
Oh, yeah?
Which trash?
371
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,947
Hey, what are you
getting at, now?
372
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:27,825
This guy.
373
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,911
How much time did you do
on that slow cooker?
374
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,370
And at what temperature?
375
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:33,289
What's happening here?
Just tell her.
376
00:14:33,289 --> 00:14:35,291
I know
Sweet Cheeks is alive.
377
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:38,002
Yeah. I saw you driving off
after school with him.
378
00:14:38,002 --> 00:14:39,962
What kind of nefarious plan
you got here, Melissa?
379
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:43,341
What, you gonna fix him up
and flip him for profit, huh?
380
00:14:43,341 --> 00:14:44,509
Wire his wheel to your house
so you never
381
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:45,760
have to pay
for electricity again?
382
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,386
No!
Then what is it?
383
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:50,181
I love him. Okay?
I love Sweet Cheeks.
384
00:14:50,181 --> 00:14:53,059
He grew on me.
I took him home.
385
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:54,644
Wait.
386
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,188
So you gave the death talk
to your class
387
00:14:57,188 --> 00:15:00,274
for a guinea pig
that still spins and bites?
388
00:15:00,274 --> 00:15:04,529
Oh, my Lazarus. Mm!
Melissa, you didn't.
389
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,780
Hey, now that I know
what's really going on,
390
00:15:05,780 --> 00:15:07,365
do you think we could actually
get the carpets cleaned?
391
00:15:07,365 --> 00:15:08,574
No!
392
00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:09,867
Plot twist.
The "M" in M. Night Shyamalan
393
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:11,369
stands for "Melissa."
394
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:12,954
Yeah, yeah. Give it up,
Melissa Night Shyamalan.
395
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,455
Guys,
there are other directors.
396
00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:17,166
Just because he's local does not
mean he's the only director.
397
00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:20,378
You are bringing Sweet Cheeks
back in here today.
398
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:23,548
Or else.
Or else...?
399
00:15:23,548 --> 00:15:26,551
Or else I'm going to tell
your kids that he's still alive,
400
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:28,594
and you're going to have
to deal with it.
401
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,055
You have until
after lunch.
402
00:15:31,055 --> 00:15:33,015
Hey,
I need to speak to you.
403
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,520
Who you talking to?
404
00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:38,521
You.
405
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:42,233
What do you want?
406
00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,693
I know there wasn't
a lost ticket,
407
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:45,278
and I know that the district did
not give you these computers.
408
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,783
Damn it!
Who gave it away? Barb?
409
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:52,869
It was Principal Coleman.
410
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,121
Well, that can't be right.
That's me.
411
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:56,747
When you mentioned
the processor,
412
00:15:56,747 --> 00:15:59,250
it confirmed what
I was already thinking.
413
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,252
Even the newest computers
that the district distributes
414
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,712
don't have the
14th-generation processor.
415
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:04,589
Where did you get these?
Tuh!
416
00:16:04,589 --> 00:16:06,257
You think I got in this chair
by folding under pressure?
417
00:16:06,257 --> 00:16:08,301
No.
But if you don't tell me,
418
00:16:08,301 --> 00:16:10,344
I have to assume they're stolen
and report it.
419
00:16:17,685 --> 00:16:19,437
We got the rich people
building the golf course
420
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:20,354
to donate them.
421
00:16:20,354 --> 00:16:21,814
You "got" them to?
422
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:24,400
Fine. It was blackmail,
black man.
423
00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,485
A bribe,
quid pro quo.
424
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:28,613
They were doing illegal work,
and we needed the resources.
425
00:16:28,613 --> 00:16:30,114
Look, the district is
not going to allow this.
426
00:16:30,114 --> 00:16:31,824
You know what?
Take them.
427
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,619
I'll find another way
to get my kids computers.
428
00:16:39,373 --> 00:16:41,542
I'm not gonna report you.
429
00:16:41,542 --> 00:16:43,669
It's obvious that you all need
these computers,
430
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,630
and scheming is the only way
that you're able to get them.
431
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:47,006
I beg my pardon?
432
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,883
But we need to do things
on my terms
433
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:50,426
so that none of us
get caught.
434
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:52,470
I'm not losing my job
over this.
435
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,721
And I know you do not
want to lose yours.
436
00:16:54,597 --> 00:16:56,390
You gone stop talking to me
like that.
437
00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:58,100
Have a seat.
438
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,478
Okay, so, now, some of these
kids might have cats,
439
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:02,688
but you just remember
our training sessions,
440
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,565
and you're gonna be fine.
441
00:17:04,565 --> 00:17:06,359
Yeah.
442
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:07,193
Yeah, baby.
443
00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,112
How you doing?
444
00:17:10,112 --> 00:17:11,781
I'm okay.
445
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:13,324
So you know,
I don't go around
446
00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,243
telling kids their animals
are dead for kicks.
447
00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:17,370
That wasn't a suspicion
of mine.
448
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,955
I just never had
a pet before,
449
00:17:18,955 --> 00:17:21,123
and I really fell for
this little stinker.
450
00:17:21,123 --> 00:17:23,292
He's no Dwayne,
but he's great.
451
00:17:23,292 --> 00:17:25,086
What's really going on,
Melissa?
452
00:17:25,086 --> 00:17:27,088
Man, I don't know,
I panicked.
453
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:29,799
Like, second graders
can't take care of themselves.
454
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,133
How are they going
to keep him safe?
455
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:32,426
He could have died,
you know?
456
00:17:32,426 --> 00:17:33,803
I get it. I had a hard time
giving the kids
457
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:36,055
in the Goofball program
responsibility over the plants.
458
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,473
But then
none of them died.
459
00:17:37,473 --> 00:17:38,724
All of them died.
460
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:39,725
You're always
such a huge help.
461
00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:41,310
But before I started
the Goofballs,
462
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,812
a wise woman told me that
in order
463
00:17:42,812 --> 00:17:44,647
to be the best teacher
I could be,
464
00:17:44,647 --> 00:17:46,357
I needed to open myself
up to more
465
00:17:46,357 --> 00:17:48,276
than what I thought
I owed these students.
466
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:50,653
That'd be scary,
'cause they make mistakes,
467
00:17:50,653 --> 00:17:53,030
but watching them grow
from those mistakes,
468
00:17:53,030 --> 00:17:56,784
it's worth it every time.
469
00:17:56,784 --> 00:17:59,328
Thank you for giving
my own advice back to me.
470
00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:02,540
It's the best advice
I've gotten.
471
00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,874
Come on.
Don't you want to hold him?
472
00:18:03,874 --> 00:18:05,543
I like rocks!
473
00:18:05,543 --> 00:18:09,505
So, in order to keep this
little secret, it is imperative
474
00:18:09,505 --> 00:18:13,634
that you direct all
IT-related issues to my office.
475
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:16,512
Don't just blindly submit them
to the district, Janine.
476
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,888
Why are you
singling me out?
477
00:18:17,888 --> 00:18:19,598
'Cause you're
a district rat.
478
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:21,851
So, you have
a, uh, software problem,
479
00:18:21,851 --> 00:18:23,227
submit a ticket to me.
480
00:18:23,227 --> 00:18:26,063
You have a network problem,
submit a ticket to me.
481
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,815
And if we run out of
computer chips?
482
00:18:27,815 --> 00:18:30,359
Submit a ticket to me.
483
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,278
Sorry, um,
is it hot in here?
484
00:18:33,988 --> 00:18:35,323
Uh, that sounds good.
Yeah, thanks.
Yeah, we got it.
485
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:36,157
What if a computer breaks
486
00:18:36,157 --> 00:18:37,366
and we need it fixed
immediately?
487
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:39,452
What's a good cell number
to reach you at?
488
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,329
It's a good point.
Um, I'm gonna give
489
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:42,872
Ms. Coleman
my personal number,
490
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:46,500
and she can contact me directly
in case of an emergency...
491
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,084
anytime.
492
00:18:49,754 --> 00:18:51,255
Fine. Whatever.
493
00:18:51,255 --> 00:18:52,506
Alright,
give it up for O'Shon,
494
00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,383
and let's get on
with the day.
495
00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:57,345
Oh, no. No. No, you don't
have to clap for me.
496
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:02,725
♪ Kiss me,
out of the bearded barley ♪
497
00:19:02,725 --> 00:19:05,436
♪ Nightly ♪
Why are you humming
that song?
498
00:19:05,436 --> 00:19:07,938
'Cause I just rented "She's
All That" from Blockbuster.
499
00:19:07,938 --> 00:19:11,692
He ain't all that.
500
00:19:11,692 --> 00:19:13,569
And he's poor.
501
00:19:20,785 --> 00:19:22,787
Oh.
502
00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,457
I just like the song, okay?
503
00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:29,001
So, listen, kiddos,
I know you're really upset about
504
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,544
the passing of Sweet Cheeks,
505
00:19:30,544 --> 00:19:33,923
but we got a new guinea pig
from the store,
506
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:36,926
and we're going to call it
Sweet Cheeks 2.
507
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,261
Then why does he look like
Sweet Cheeks 1?
508
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:40,888
Turns out he's a twin.
509
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,515
Isn't that
the same cage?
510
00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:44,392
Yeah,
I got it at a discount.
511
00:19:44,392 --> 00:19:46,060
You never heard of
upcycling?
512
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,478
How did he die, again?
513
00:19:47,478 --> 00:19:49,271
Can we all please
just raise our hands?
514
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,774
No more questions.
Alright, look.
515
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:55,277
All that matters is that we are
going to promise to take care of
516
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:57,947
and love our new guinea pig
to the best of our ability,
517
00:19:57,947 --> 00:19:59,615
no matter what mistakes
518
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,700
are definitely
going to be made along the way.
519
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,202
Can we do that?
Okay.
520
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,246
Ms. Schemmenti,
I made this sign.
521
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:09,208
They don't like
when you do that.
522
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:12,461
Mm.
Amici per la pelle.
523
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:14,422
That's Italian for
"friends for life."
524
00:20:14,422 --> 00:20:18,259
Can you say,
"amici per la pelle"?
525
00:20:18,259 --> 00:20:20,553
Amici per la pelle!
526
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,305
That's good. You don't have
to do the hands, though.
527
00:20:23,305 --> 00:20:25,975
So the ol' guinea pig had
a long-lost twin?
528
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,601
I know the feeling.
529
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,145
Yeah, well, um,
530
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:31,897
honestly,
it's the same guinea pig.
531
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:33,607
Then what did I bury?
532
00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:40,781
Hi! I am almost ready to go.
533
00:20:40,781 --> 00:20:42,783
What, did you get a fish?
What happened to your rock?
534
00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,203
They tore him apart.
535
00:20:46,203 --> 00:20:48,038
It's just carnage.
536
00:20:48,038 --> 00:20:51,125
Oh, no.
Gregory, that's--
537
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:52,918
It's actually really pretty.
538
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,879
You know,
I tried to protect him.
Yeah.
539
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:57,006
But they dropped him,
and they didn't mean to.
540
00:20:57,006 --> 00:20:59,842
Yeah.
But now, h-he's...
541
00:20:59,842 --> 00:21:01,302
He's sparkly!
542
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,012
No? Okay.
543
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:05,389
Well, look, maybe we can
get you another one, like,
544
00:21:05,389 --> 00:21:07,224
from the side of a road
or something?
545
00:21:07,224 --> 00:21:09,894
So it, too, can shatter?
546
00:21:09,894 --> 00:21:11,937
Like my fragile, little heart?
547
00:21:13,230 --> 00:21:16,317
Oh! Oh, no.
548
00:21:16,317 --> 00:21:18,944
So, ramen tonight?
549
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,362
Yeah.
550
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:21,530
Okay.
551
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:28,454
- Captions by VITAC--